A Madrasman in Mumbai

I recently had the opportunity to visit that bustling metro of ours – Mumbai. As always, Madrasman felt like a fish out of water.

Mumbai has only flyovers. Chembur, Sion, Bandra, Andheri are all names of flyovers. Either side of the flyover is rather unimaginatively named East and West. Also, transit time from East to West via Frankfurt is quickest according to several friends I met there. The only spaces which aren’t flyovers are railway stations. Yes, Mumbai has a metro train system. Unlike MRTS, it runs on the ground, because all the space in the sky is taken up by the flyovers. Every train has a quota system. Only 10% of the entire populace of the city is allowed on one train. This means every metro train coach makes a can of sardines look like a presidential suite.

While these people aren’t travelling by train, they’re squeezing into the tiny gaps between the flyovers. This makes Mumbai look like Ranganathan street on steroids.I saw a queue outside CST which I mistook to be one for people waiting for their rations. Turned out they were waiting to take taxis. Also, these taxis have a weird contraption called a meter. Apparently you need to pay only whatever it displays at the end of the ride. I suppose the taxi drivers find haggling a bit tedious. They return change even if it is only a rupee or two. Also, these people have a habit of painting any random car on the road black and yellow and calling it a taxi. I saw Ecco taxis, Santro taxis, WagonR taxis. If I’d hung around a bit longer I’m sure I’d have spotted a donkey painted black and yellow.

Mumbai has this overgrown Napier bridge which they call the Sea link. Looks pretty at night, but it is basically Kamarajar Salai on stilts (remember their passion for structures in the sky). Also, you don’t have to pay Rs.50 to visit Marina Beach. I managed to visit Leopold Cafe where they charge Rs.30 for a pair of boiled eggs. Mr.Leopold should have visited Burma Bazaar to have Athouk.

I was only in Mumbai for a couple of days most of which I spent at my friend’s place. The only thing different about his house compared to a house in Madras was this weird contraption on the commode which was a hands free version of the jet. Also, since all the houses look the same in Mumbai, people’s addresses include “A green bicycle parked near the staircase”. These people have never heard of cross streets and main roads.

All said and done, a visit to Mumbai is like a trip to the zoo. Good for a visit, but you can’t live there. You don’t fancy living on a flyover do you?

Cheers!

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